A mum has shared how her five-year-old son suffers from such extreme anxiety that he struggles to go to school.
After starting school in September 2023, Lisa Jones’ son Arlo, then aged four, soon started showing symptoms of severe anxiety. He stopped eating properly after three weeks and within two months, he’d become so unwell that Lisa, 31, felt she had no choice but to take him out of school.
She took Arlo to see a paediatrician, which led to him undergoing a year of play therapy. Once the sessions ended, Arlo’s paediatrician told Lisa that there was no further help on offer as Arlo was too young to be accepted by their local CAMHS team (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services).
Arlo went back to school in December 2024 and now attends for three hours a day with educational support in place for him, but he is struggling to sleep. He’s often so anxious the night before school that he’s awake until 2 or 3am.
Arlo’s problems first began when he started nursery at the age of three. He was born in June 2019, nine months before the UK went into lockdown, so he wasn’t used to socialising.
“He was so anxious on the way there,” says Lisa. “He’d ask, ‘When am I coming home?’ ‘How long am I going to be there?'” She only managed to get him to attend around 30% of the time.
At first, Lisa thought Arlo’s issues were down to separation anxiety and were something he’d grow out of, but when he started school it became clear this was far more serious.
“Arlo went to school for a month and a half to two months at most,” she recalls. “He stopped eating proper meals, only wanting to eat strawberries. He was making himself ill. It was really sad to need to reassure a young child so much. It was a lot of hard work and heartbreak as well.
“I thought there is something wrong here,” Lisa adds. “None of my other children have done this.”
As Arlo didn’t turn five until the June of his first school year, legally he wasn’t required to be in school until he started year one in September 2024. “I told the school that I didn’t want to put Arlo back in school and let him deal with the stress of being there and wouldn’t send him back until there was something in place to support him,” she says.
Lisa, a stay-at-home mum to five children, is one of thousands of parents struggling to find the right help for a child with severe anxiety issues.
NHS England data shows referrals for anxiety for children aged 17 and under have doubled since 2019, rising from 98,953 new referrals for the period 2019-2020 to 204,526 referrals between 2023-2024. This dramatic rise is also partly due to an increase in the number of organisations submitting data.
She is now calling for earlier intervention for younger children, rather than waiting for “crisis point”.
Lisa has asked for an Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) assessment but was told this needs to wait until Arlo has spent more time at school, so professionals can gather the evidence they need for this.
She was offered family intervention therapy, but she doesn’t feel this is the support Arlo needs. “Family intervention therapy is just support workers coming up with a routine for the household,” she explains. “I already have five kids, so I have a routine in place. I think instead CAMHS needs to be more available for younger children so they have long-term psychological help, rather than family intervention which is just a short-term service for 6-12 weeks.”
“I can only help him so much as a parent,” she adds. “Even going to the shop or the park he struggles. He doesn’t enjoy being out. He’s just so anxious about it.
“Why is there not better mental health support for children?” she continues. “Early intervention is better instead of letting it build up over years and years. I think it’s really sad – so many children have to suffer for so long before they are eligible for help.”
Lisa says Arlo has shown some signs of progress, beginning to make friends at school, but still needs to be told exactly what is happening each day.
“He’s still quite anxious. He needs to be told what’s happening and when he’s coming home,” she says. “I’ve had lots of comments like, ‘Just make him go’, ‘Why have you kept him home?’ and ‘He’ll be fine, just push him.’ It’s really hard as a parent – I’m just trying to be the best support to my son.”
Lisa worries Arlo’s mental health may worsen if he can’t access more support now. Her biggest fear is he may end up refusing to go school completely again.
“There needs to be more awareness around children’s mental health and more support for children, she says. They need access early on before reaching crisis point.”
For support visit NHS.uk/every-mind-matters.
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